And That's How Sue C's It
by blaintanafan
Summary: Just a Sue's Corner I managed to whip up. Not my best work, I promise you that. Read and Review! More to come...if I get good reviews...tell me in your reviews what you'd like to see Sue talk about! T for being Sue.
1. Easter

You know, Ohio, I am constantly braded with questions of "Sue, what are your views on Easter?" Now, I wouldn't have a problem with such questions as I often like to think of what I'm going to say to my demographic as I'm taking a number 2, believing that most of the people I oppose on this show are kind of like that. But when everyone starts banging at my door, leaving Easter Eggs in my front yard with the question scribbled on a small piece of parchment and wallowed up next to the remains of the dead bird that lies inside that egg: That's just plain disturbing. I don't want to have to go through the same sort of asinine trials of 40-year old white women knocking on my windows asking me about how I feel about the day the supposed Lord rose from the dead like magic. Stop it. I literally cannot take another fat roll slamming up against my door.

But, because I have such a large fan base out there that I most certainly would not like to disappoint, most residing in lower-class Lima homes where they pay more to watch me than to feed their own seemingly eating disorderly children, so I decided to take on the question "What are your views on Easter."

First off, civilians of this once great state, I should let you in on a little ol' Sue Sylvester trivia: I never celebrated Easter. Never have, probably never will. It's not really an "I Hate Jesus" thing, but more or less the fact that an "I Hate My Mother" thing. Never let us hold a cross in our house. Never let us pray to a holy book that some of you seem to love to just thump and pass around. Wouldn't even let us get down on our knees to ask for guidance. Although, with who she was, she probably would do that; leave out the guidance. So the true meaning of my non-celebratory Easter comes from my satanic mother.

Back to my main question, I think Easter is a wonderful time for parents to, once again, lie to their children. Sure, it'll leave them out of the trust circle from now until the time that they're able to hang their own head of regret over lying to their own children, feeling the tasteful and deceiving bliss that comes from being a parent. Children will believe anything that a parent tells them as long as it's sugar-coated with wide varieties of sweet delicacies so a child might listen to an important lesson a parent is teaching.

The Easter Bunny; A parent's way of saying that in this world, there are people that could quite possibly steal away into your home and rummage around for things, giving examples of robberies could be nicely spread with a robber being a bunny and instead of taking things, they give things.

Easter egg hunting; Life is all about what you find inside. Going the extra mile to find something you really want. Inside, you're depressed when you don't find the disease-ridden bird you wanted to harvest so you could whip up a nice venereal disease stew, but instead you find candies and other items. Again, sugar coating that life is a letdown.

Jesus; I don't even know how this man was able to slip his way into pedophiliac rabbits and the idea that life can be a very big waste if your eggs are fertilized enough, but somehow, he's the star of Easter. Apparently, he was nailed to a tree, no sexual validity intended, and was crucified, died, buried, rose from the dead, built a temple, rose to heaven, blah blah blah. No offense to any of you out there that practice this like it's a religion, but what I say? Celebrate something that isn't sounding as if it came out of an Elton John horror movie. Why not celebrate the coming of any sort of religion? Why should we be discriminating? Better yet; let's all just celebrate me?

Everyone wants something else that they want to believe in. Parents want to still believe that they can make a world safe for their children, when in all reality, they can't. Kids will grow up and they are going to learn about the horrors and dangers so terrifying, walking in on you two while in criminal acts of sexual independence will be a walk in the park for them. And people need to start believing in a higher being than one that's already dead. And that's one internationally-ranked cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester.

So next Easter, forget about Jesus. Start praying to Sue Sylvester that she might actually not want to set you on fire.

_And that's how Sue C's it._

**A/N: Just a side-note, to anyone reading this, I am FULLY Catholic and not trying to go against the religion in any way. Just trying to have a little fun with Sue being…well…Sue…**

**What'd you guys think? Not my best work, but you know, it's always fun to just go out on a limb at 2 in the morning and type. Rate and Review! Tell me what else you'd like to hear about in a review!**


	2. Fandom

Lima. Ohio. World, even, if you're rewatching this segment of Sue's Corner somewhere from you tight-knit barcaloungers somewhere in the Sesame Street barrio, or quite possibly on the wrong side of the tracks, or even somewhere over the rainbow if you're like half of the California population where you feel the need to express your glitter and sparkles all over the area by painting your houses the same color as that breakfast-visual cat that runs across the screens of YouTube watchers everywhere singing at such a high-pitched level you'd think a prepubescent Lady Bieber was kicked in his female groin; I'm here today to talk to you about one of the best (and worst) things about having your own television show: the fan base.

The fan base is basically the thing that keeps alive such television breakers, such as "Modern Family", "Arrested Development", even the short-lived "Firefly". The fans of anything are what makes or breaks the show, and with a good script, well-liked cast, and the right amount of money, you can seduce fans into doing just about anything for you.

But there is this one fandom that I'm fed up with, and I'd like you all to turn your attention to yourselves, if upon reading this post. "Glee" fandom.

Better known as the "Gleeks", this fandom just can't seem to get enough of equality and the chance to open a window so that way you can express whoever you want to be without getting hurt. Well, let me tell you something, world: Life isn't always going to be as easy as most television shows pretain. "Full House"? If any life was as good as that show made reality seem to be, I'd like you to out in your backyard, dig up a hole, and bury your parents in it, because obviously, you've never had any sort of balance in your life.

The "Glee" fandom is something that I think has affected the show from it's get-go and it's what the writers of the show ususally listen to. Media and critics? Who are they compared to fangirls and fanfiction that exploits what happens after the big kiss between to characters, going into some very raw and detailed scenarios, even going so far as to make social media role-playing games to step into the shoes of these characters, trying to see what it'd be like to play out a certain scene correctly, or redo an episode (or, if you're Season 2, the whole season).

Kids, "Glee" got you so far in life. It's not going to get you the whole way there. It gave you the push to go out and be who you want, now you have to finish it, and not rely on a television show to make you happy 24/7. Because let me tell you, this internationally-ranked cheerleading coach just can't seem to tell the difference between "Glee" being a comedy, and "Glee" being a drama. What is it now? "Degrassi" with songs?

I also hear that most of this "Klaine" ship is up and arms about this infamous "box scene". You got the script, which you paid for; I applaud you. But give it a rest. If it was a proposal scene between the kid who breeds squirrels on his head and the overweight girl who abruptly left the bizzarly-named 'New Directions', you'd all wouldn't give a damn. Brittany failing Senior year? Who cares! If the McCauley Kulkin Stunt Double flunked out of high school, nobody would be even remotely interested because it doesn't break up "Brittana". You don't like Finchel? Great. Neither do I.

Fandom is one of the most important things about the show. But sometimes, listening to them isn't always the best thing. If you deny them what you promised, then you're crossing the line, and that don't sit right with one Sue Sylvester. Am I saying we should revolt to studio heads? No. I'm merely suggesting that in time, you'll get what's due. I mean, c'mon, I've had to stand outside of that choir room for the better part of a year listening to that overly-gelled Cabbage Patch Kid sing solos that were originally meant for autotuned, sexually-questioning girls.

Kids, please. Let's not keep this war among the fans going. So you don't like this ship. So that ship is better. We're all here for the same reason, right? So, I urge you, when this derailment of a show returns to the airways this Fall (with my new baby, Madonna Jean Sylvester; also coinciding with my run in Newsweek), just watch it because you fell in love with it; not because of who you like or dislike. If we stopped watching for the ships, and the flaws, then we'd have a quality show. And Sue Sylvester enjoys quality shows.

And that's how Sue C's it.


	3. Musicals

I'm gonna cut right to the chase and say it: I hate musicals. Whether it be something that's been nominated for a Tony like the play about stereotypical Mormons that go and save an impoverished area down in some African land where AIDs sprouts up more than a sexually-rendezvous teenage boy with nothing but a few bucks in his pockets and he's in a book store, or an original play about Oklahoma. Seriously, who wants to see a show about one of the worst states of all time? Right up there with Texas and Michigan (because if you have the 'Great Lakes', you'd expect the state to be less crappy. But ironically, I'm wrong).

Sure, the talent can be tolerable. Dancing and acting and, Madonna forbid, singing, a musical can come together to push boundaries and make a generation move forward in civilization. "Hairspray". Basically, if you put the MLK Jr. "I Have a Dream" speech and made a song out of it, it'd be this musical, but with overweight white women that dream of making it big. Well, let me tell 'ya something: the only thing big that's ever going to come of you is the big chance that you're gettin' diabetes if you continue to eat half-eaten donuts from the teachers' lounge, filled with pedophiles and men just dying to make you blow your rape whistle. Or the other way around.

Or, you could spread a song about "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" where everyone apparently is transgender, pushes boundaries about letting you give yourself up to insanity and just start divulging in a luxurious orgy that takes place in your own bathtub. I'm all for equality when it comes to wanting to express love, but does everyone on Earth have to be attracted to one another? Please, for the love of all that's good, someone bring in Will Schuester and his "great ideas" to tone down the musical just enough so he can lust over the Adult Wendy's Girl while they strip down to nothing but Photoshop.

The point is, I could care less about what a musical is teaching kids. Showtunes are yesterday's past. Can we please move forward into the future and get our kids listening to something from the past that influences the future? Madonna, Katy Perry, even Lady Bieber all showed us that equality is everything, because of their strong, women-empowerment and their justice to want to try and respect the people of their same gender.

Throw out all musicals, and let's just listen to the car radio. I'm sure that'll be enough torture for your kids already, having to deal with the living horror that they know Broadway is still alive.

And that's how Sue C's it.


	4. Teenage Sexuality

Ohio, I hear back and forth about the trials and travesty of what being a teenager is like. Trust me, I was one twice. And with being a teenager, you have to face various obstacles that will define you as a person for the rest of your life. To name a few: Your looks, your personality, your ability to overcome that little voice inside of your head that's telling you to pull the trigger; but one of the things that's probably the most defining thing in a person's life is their sexuality.

Sexuality; Yes, the birds and the bees, the flowers and the trees, Michael Jackson-wrapped candy style little eggs that so tend to want to break loose and create a child. Sexuality is the one thing that people may or may not hold over your head wherever you are. Looks is the first thing that people judge whenever they see you. You may be too pretty, or too ugly, or too fat, or too flawless, like Sue Sylvester, but once they figure out your sexuality, they can choose to like you, or they can choose to mame you.

I have no problem with sexual preferences. Gayness and straight is none of my personal business to stick my nose into, unlike some people in this world who make it a habit of destroying the happiness and lives of people out there (Vote Sue Sylvester for President 2013); But you truly don't know what you like until you've experienced it, and unless you're a whore and get pregnant at the age of 16 because you felt like you were nothing but mere stomach rolls, you haven't experienced anything, thus, your sexuality should be something that you shouldn't care about.

Teenagers, you've got a whole life to live, and hey, experiment at parties. Knock down the barnyard door at your roommate's house. Go ahead and rub those Grand Tetons against one another while drunk off your ass in a library parking lot smoking cannabis while listening to music that defined generations of hippies that you clearly don't know the meanings of the lyrics. But until you've done what you can, don't go out and claiming something that you probably don't even know that you are.

Just because you enjoy Dance Moms or you have a passion for Broadway doesn't mean you're gay, it just means that you probably are going to get your ass kicked one day. Just because you may enjoy short haircuts and golf courts, it doesn't mean you're a lesbian, it just means that Sue Sylvester won't be able to tell the differences of your genders.

If you make it a habit to become something you're not sure of, then one day you'll end up questioning why you're here on this Earth. You may ask 'what's the purpose of life?' I can tell you that I sure don't have the answer, but I'm fairly certain that it's out there. You just have to experience it.

And that's how Sue C's it.


End file.
